Christopher's Online Journal

I have in mind to buy a new wood-burner for the old stables, the old one simply is not warm enough, especially on a beautiful frosty morning as today. I had the wood-burner so much on my mind, also the cost, and the work involved, that I could not focus on my morning meditation. Instead of finding emptiness, I was seeing the shining steel door handle of the new wood-burner. Instead of stepping into the peaceful presence, I was seeing the bank account dwindling. And what, with the Christmas bills now arriving, it is already being not so silently stretched. Yet the wood-burner which I have selected is half the price of our old one, which of course on its own makes one doubt the possible efficacy of the new device. Should I stick with what I know, or should I follow the reviews, even if most of them talk about the speedy delivery rather than the heat emitted. I am thinking of mid to late February for the installation, it will be a two-man job, although most of the infrastructure is alread

I was asked about the term Regis seas from yesterday's poem, in our Friday morning poetry review group. I had taken the poem along as my poem to be reviewed, along with Carol Ann Duffy's Finding the Words from her excellent book Rapture. I was asked when the poem was written, to which I replied: well obviously it must have been after 2005 when Rapture was released because it is referenced in the poem. Then I explained that I had spent several out-of-season months in Lyme Regis, while I was working along the coast at Charmouth. However, on reflection, I realise that was in 2003-4. The poem then must have its roots in an earlier period. This is one of the problems caused by keeping my poems alive. The poem posted yesterday was modified yesterday, and may well have future modifications, if it ever comes to light again. The question about Regis seas also got me talking about sitting in my first-floor hotel window, right on the promenade, looking out to a big sea. I was listening

My dream confirms to me that I am a part of a team, a small part but a significant part nonetheless. Occasionally I may step forwards to lead the team, but I always do remain as a part of the team.  I recognised this as we, as a team, watched the machine which, we had designed and built, being put through its paces. I was congratulated on some of my personal contributions, especially the control of the acceleration and deceleration of the machine, as it went about its tasks. Last night we had watched the film about Freud and Jung. A Dangerous Method portrayed the conflict between the two men, but also gave me insights into Jung's life which I had either overlooked or not had revealed to me. His need for mistresses in his life came as quite a surprise, I know it was a film but surely there is a grain of truth in the story isn't there? Yesterday I produced the outline for February's Poetry Workshop. It struck me that at the end we should reserve time for the poets to introdu

I recently bought  The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom by  Angeles Arrien. By mistake, I ordered the kindle version instead of the paperback. But every cloud has a silver lining don't they say. And so, for the last two nights, I have read some of Angeles' book on my kindle, just before going to sleep. Well, the dreams returned no end. Last night in particular I can honestly say that I was very close to lucid dreaming itself. I was pretty sure that I was aware that I was dreaming in the real-time of the dream. The book, like much of my reading, talks about how to live one's life. And in a real deja vu moment, Angeles described the phases of life, changing from one of ambition to one of need for reason. Well, blow me if I hadn't written exactly the same thing a couple of weeks ago, in one of my several journal types of writing. Is this serendipity showing me her wares, or is it yet another simple coincidence, in a lifetime of simple coincidences. O

So there I was doing a minor update to the poetryshop.co.uk website when it struck me that I could include poetry workshops onto the site. And in the flicker of an eye, or rather over a full, otherwise empty afternoon the mission was almost concluded. Just to somehow include it on google analytics, maybe someone could tell me if that is worthwhile or not! Separately, but maybe related, I had the thought that I could include one of Peter Conner's songs from his Wounded Healers album onto my playlist A Soft Place To Land . It's not to be, it seems that Apple's Genius isn't for me to interfere with. But I will find a workaround for I do want to have his Edge of the Field alongside Jason Isbell et al. Last night's Educational film was Beauty is Embarrassing by Neil Berkeley, it covers the life of artist, writer, puppeteer, and general Fuck You southern spokesman Wayne White. This is one guy chock full of inspiration merged with the truly lived experience of the ups a

I carry around a great deal of invisibility within me. My thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my hopes, my dreams, they are all invisible. It is only through my words that I can let you into this world that is the surface I. But between the words, beneath the thoughts, underneath the feelings and the emotions, there is, so I am told by Eckhart Tolle the true self. My task at the moment is to welcome this deeper self into my life as much as I possibly am able. Neil Lennon, of Divine Comedy fame, welcomed me into his mind yesterday as I watched the retrospective of his musical career. I was so impressed (my feelings and emotions were really in his groove) that without listening to it I bought the album Absent Friends , I trust my intuition will reward me. This blog is proving a little troublesome. The fonts change from draft to publication, different fonts appear in different browsers. The colour scheme also appears to have a mind of its own. If there is any help or advice out there I wo

Today's bathtime iTunes playlist was based on A Soft Place To Land   by Kathleen Edwards; other highlights were Jason Isbell's Relatively Easy , Laura Marlin's Night After Night , Bruce Cockburn's Wondering Where The Lions Are , and finally, Gillian Welch's The Way The Whole Thing Ends . There were lots more good songs but these are my pick of the bunch - please go and look them up, or tell me what you would have hoped for. Music is such a wonder-filled part of my life, almost every song I hear takes me somewhere, usually to a good place in my life, I hope that is the same for you. This love of music continues to surprise me. In my early life music was almost disqualified for me. My father told me I was tone-deaf, not that he would have had much music in him, what with him playing either the double-bass, or the tuba in the village brass band. Then came Mrs. Kitson at junior school, who caned me viciously across my bare thighs, for either singing out of tune, or laug

Was it a mistake to watch six episodes straight, a real binge on Channel 4's Swedish Scandi-Noir Before We Die , then to not wake up until10 in the morning?  I am asked is it not better than having a night out on the lash, then to wake up with the most terrible hangover; at least now we are bright and breezy. Always look on the bright side or what. My first day out for a good while. New glasses to collect. Followed all the protocols but wondered, is it such a good thing for the television stations to broadcast that we are in a region with one of the lowest occurrences of covid? Does that just not encourage everyone to think it's safe to be out and about, because there were lots of folks out and about. My football team, Sheffield Wednesday play their FA Cup fixture at 8:00PM on a Sunday, which doesn't seem right to me, even as a non-religious person I do believe that some times are not quite suited to football. Yes, I know that they do it in Europe, but, as the Channel 4 adv

I had a bit of a panic, no sooner had I started my dream journal than I had a night without dreams, or at least none that I could recall. Fortunately last night I had a treat to two dream sessions,  both with subjects, stories, and locations quite new to me. I was in a foreign country, possibly Malaysia, with lots of office blocks, and a small minimalist chapel where I sat beside a young boy. Perhaps this had been brought on by yesterday's Authentic Self, writing exercise. I am in week 5 and I had been asked to write about my first collision (wrong word) with grief. It was my four-year-old cousin Alan, who died in a fire with his playmate, in a house no more than two hundred yards from where I lived at the time. This was in a very small village, which was completely devastated by the tragedy. The Authentic Self is a 52 week course aimed at doing what it says on the tin, namely to reveal more about my self. This is done by encouraging me, via well-constructed questions,  to remember

Yesterday evening's education was first a film Looking for the Light, about the photography of Jane Bown. What a wonderful, gentle, yet determined lady, who served the Observer for such a long long time, and delivered some of the best, well-captured portraits of our time. Beckett was my favourite, and I do believe it became an iconic image. Well done to the film-makers Luke Dodd and Michael Whyte, you can find it on Amazon Prime. Also from that same source, found by pressing the related button, it was Michaelangelo: Self Poetry , his life story told in his own words. A portrayal by Robert Snyder, who may or may not be related to Gary Snyder of Poets of the Peaks fame,  please let me know if you have any back story. The evening followed a bright afternoon, thanks to our lively The Arts session, one highlight of which was seeing the progress of Malcolm Tait's latest painting, via six photographs, one taken at each stage of a substantially changing piece of work. Next up on the

Well, that didn't go too well; only the second night for the dream journal and no dream to report, or not any able to be recalled. Better luck next time don't they say, Christopher must show more perseverance, or attention, as my school reports used to put it. Fortunately, Eckhart Tolle continues to deliver the goods, indeed he asks that I find the nothingness which my dreams failed recapture gave to me. His Presence Meditation words soothe me, and encourage me to discover my inner self. My breakfast cereal is almost 500 calories per 100 grams, how can that be, and how come I have previously been using it as part of my healthy eating diet! Only every three days from now on in, then no more once the storage is gone. It is our first The Arts of the new year this afternoon, such a change to move away from the words, today I will show some of my lead pencil doodlings, on art paper which we found during the clearing out of the study. Or I could exhibit a photograph from the new yea

Yesterday I received a personal delivery from Mark Merifield, of Off the Beaten Tracks fame. He brought me songs and instrumentals by Adrianne Lenker, which I found on the OTBT website in a way that I wouldn't have found anywhere else. Top marks Mark. I also began my dream journal, where I captured a couple of dreams which would otherwise have been lost. Both times, at the instant of waking, I thought oh no, no dreams to record. But fortunately, within a couple of seconds, the details, of what at first seem like pretty insignificant occurrences, came to me. Only time will tell, but as these are the first entry they will always hold a special place, perhaps also because Richard, who I was best man for nearly fifty years ago, made an appearance. I had, the previous evening, entered what I thought to be a few notes about my day just gone, along with an intention for my dream. I have to say that I don't yet see any correlation between the before and after experiences. One of the d

By the time that you read this, I will have made my first entry into my dream journal. Which hopefully will give me a clearer indication of what goes on in my mind while I am sleeping. It isn't the first time that I have made a record of the night's work, but in the past it was just random snippets, to go into poems or letters. Now I intend to bring some riguor and some organisation to the process, I have set aside a book and pencil to use for the process. I have dreamt reasonably considerably during the last few nights, perhaps because, a few days ago, I gave myself the intention of starting my dream journal today. What do I hope to find, other than building a dream history to look back on in my dotage? Well, the dream journal is a prescribed precursor to Lucid Dreaming, which I intend to start in four weeks time. From the two combined I hope to gain an insight into a part of my life which at the moment is mostly passive. I want to establish an understanding of, and make use o

Unable to go to a restaurant we decided to have a 'date night' in, which would include a special meal.  The evening began with a quiet conversation, mainly me explaining my understanding of dream journals, and lucid dreaming, as taken from my two sessions at the Jungian Platform Summit. Then the cooking and the eating. I had venison steak, with baked potato and crushed Cornwall sea salt. The meat, which had been fried with onions was both succulent and lean, why don't we eat more of this I wondered. After the main course we took a little break. I found Christopher Eccleston's mini-series Safe House on Netflix. Isn't he just the master of the bewildered, what do you mean, look? As the first episode began our Creme Brûlée came out of the oven. Of course, we had to let it cool. So fifteen minutes of expectation, which wasn't too bad because it took so long to get into the stalker story. It wasn't a great series, maybe the special dessert distracted our thought

I got in touch with Jac Volbeda from the Hebrides, he is an artist and the owner of B&B Bagh Alluin where I planned to stay in May. I was prompted to contact him thanks to Calmac Ferries informing me that that their summer timetables and bookings were now available. I thought I had better check with Jac, to see if he would be open, he responded almost immediately:  I have no idea at the moment.  If the whole situation improves dramatically I will be able to host you but no guarantee.  Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. What more should I have expected, and just how deeply do I need to read these words to find a little bit of hope. Well I thought, there's lot's of sincerity in there, and for a Dutchman, for whom presumably English is a second language, there is lots of flow. Also when I read his closing words I felt some good degree of communal reassurance; they went like this:  We will be keeping a close eye on the situ Christoper.  4 month to go so lets b

Yesterday I attended the first two sessions of the Jung Platform Free Summit, Dreams and Your Personal Journey. Despite the slight technical hitch at the beginning, which of course I thought was down to me, or our internet. But no it was just Jung Platform's capacity being swamped by the ever so many people wishing to sign up. John Van Eenwyk expertly presented Introduction to Jungian Dreamwork which included my first exposure to big dreams, personal dreams, sequential dreams, and, best of all, simultaneous dreams. He then went on to talk about dream journals, and how to prepare for the dream, and the many ways to record, develop and evaluate the dream, as a way of extending the dream might I add rather than a way of understanding the dream carte blanche. I was so impressed that today I will sort out a suitable notebook to become my dream journal, or I might buy a new one for such a prestigious purpose. Next Monday I will begin. The first step being to write in the journal, just as

My Twitter and Tumblr friends send me images of sunrises and sunsets, way better than ever I could have taken. They post snippets of poems and words of inspiration; why shouldn't I smile. And occasionally they say they like something of mine, which of course lifts my spirits no end. So, why not use Twitter, or Tumblr, why not expand and explore the world via these beautiful, wonderful people, who want to make the world a better place, beginning with themselves. Also to the writers, such as Nikos Kazantzakis, whose Report to Greco I have been reading for the last year and a half. I am about halfway through this journey of a life, which is written in a beautiful and compelling style. Another book, this time a Christmas present, is Joseph Campbell's The Hero With A Thousand Faces , thus far it has inspired me each and every day of reading, may that long continue. My friend Peter Conner has rolled all of his 'stuff' into one website: musictopictures.co.uk Of course I am bi

  I have been a fan of Apple ever since Steve Job's introduced me to the Luggable Macintosh in the 1980'S. Yet, for all that I have loved the iPod, the iPad, the iPhone, the iMac and all the variants of MacBooks, it is another Apple creation which gifts me joy day after day. Playlists on iTunes has been my go to place to be surprised by songs picked out from our 19,000+ record collection. Yesterday's high-spot tune was Second Lover by Noah and the Whale, generated from my The Mountains Goats song You or Your Memory . We came by Noah and the Whale via Johnny Flynn who we saw at a Summer Sunday event in Leicester in 2008 or 2010. He gave us a sampler disk, which took us to him big time. The festival line ups, we were later to learn, were part organised by our own record store here in Louth, that being Mark Merrifield's Off the Beaten Tracks. Mark says that my  music purchases are among the most eclectic of any of his customers. Eclectic being the word my tutor used to de

December is disaster month for diabetes. Cakes, biscuits, sweets, lots of food glorious food, swilled down with alcohol and liqueurs to keep us in the Christmas spirit. New year isn't much better, what with the Hogmanay celebrations, lots of cheers for the new beginnings, and tins of toffees still to be polished off. I will get my come-uppence next week, my diabetic nurse wants to speak to me, most probably after seeing my blood test results, which were for my CT scan and nothing to do with the D word, but hey ho there we go, we do live in the world of mass communication don't we. Anyway, after reading How to lose weight well (apparently there is an accompanying TV programme) the diet stage of life has begun. I am a bit of a past master at the dieting, all the systems and methods which Dr Xan van Tulleken talks about in his book I have already been through. My most successful ones have been Low-Carb and Two Day Fasting, which both achieved the desired results within a quarter

Having failed miserably, over many years, to keep a journal I have decided to try to use the online habits, which I have learned from posting other blogs, to force this journal into being. There is no shortage of advice about how to write, or how to keep a journal alive. However most of them require an organisation and diligence which I have chosen for my mind not to follow. This journal will not be organised, other than it will be often visited. It will be contemporaneous, for instance today I followed Eckhart Tolle's Presence Meditation in search of the self... If there are no words there is no thinking, if there is no thought you have found the presence. All my quotations will be attributed, the quotations themselves though may not be entirely accurate, but hopefully the essence is always there. I mention Eckhart Tolle, for one thing because I like namedropping, but also because his Presence Meditation  I find to be extremely immersive and silence provoking, which is quite a con